Speaking to your children about important family issues can be extremely difficult. Whether you need to let them know about a divorce, a change in custody or any other important issue, it can be tricky to know where to start.
That’s why we’ve put together this information on navigating difficult conversations with your kids. Hopefully, this advice will help you figure out the best way to communicate what’s happening in your family.
Choose the right time
First things first, you need to choose an appropriate time to speak to them. You don’t know how long it will take, whether they will have lots of questions or how they will react, so it’s worth choosing a time when you don’t have other commitments that could cut the conversation short.
Avoid late evenings or bedtime when they’re likely to be tired or times when you’re heading somewhere in the car, which could lead to rushing the discussion.
Create a safe and supportive environment
Next, consider where you want the conversation to take place. Ideally, it should be somewhere they can be vulnerable, speak openly and communicate their feelings.
This could be in your home (when there aren’t other people around), on a walk somewhere quiet, or anywhere else you think would suit your child. The key is to choose a location where you won’t be interrupted and they feel safe enough to communicate how they’re really feeling.
Consider their age and developmental stage
Once you’ve decided when and where to speak to them, think about how you’re going to communicate the news. While there’s no “perfect” way to have a conversation, it is possible to tailor your words in line with your child’s age and/or cognitive development stage.
Talk using simple language they’ll understand and speak empathetically. The depth of the information you share will also need to be age-appropriate, so consider how much you want to divulge beforehand. If you have more than one child and the age gap is large, consider speaking to them separately.
Listen and acknowledge their feelings
You may get caught up in what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it, but it’s equally as important to listen to your child once you’ve finished speaking. Give them as much time as they need to digest the information and tell you what they’re thinking.
Acknowledge how your child is feeling. Let them know their feelings are valid and that you’re there to help and support them in any way they need. They may also have questions for you about the news – which you should be prepared for.
If you are facing big changes within your family, it may be worth speaking to specialist children’s solicitors. They can give you the support you need to resolve issues involving your children, such as custody agreements, contact arrangements and maintenance payments.
Remember that no matter what your family is facing, you’re not alone. Parenting is challenging at the best of times and you deserve support. Reach out to trusted loved ones and seek professional support to get the help you need at this tricky time.
