Author Kathleen Whyman’s humorous fiction books feature women juggling a career with being a mum and keeping on top of the endless chores that need doing. Here, she explains how she achieves this herself. Or pretends to anyway!
Oh, the irony. It’s taken me three weeks to write this piece about juggling work, children, life admin and running a household because my own children, life admin and never-ending chores keep stopping me!
Admittedly the children being off school hasn’t helped. They’re seventeen and fourteen now, so I’m well past the stage of having to constantly entertain them. In theory I should have endless hours to myself as they sleep til noon and have no interest in interacting with me during waking hours. Unless I want to do something for myself – such as write. Then one of them materialises and requests a lift. Or some money. Or something to eat (preferably whatever food item is currently trending on TikTok). Or to be taken shopping because they have nothing to wear to a party/cinema trip that night. The piles of clothes festering in their bedrooms and my quivering credit card bill suggest otherwise, but the party is Hawaiian themed or everyone’s wearing pink to watch Barbie, so it’s an infringement on their human rights if I don’t take them immediately.
I should say: ‘No, I’m working.’ But I’m so eager to spend any morsel of time with them that they’re prepared to grant me (my 17yo calls me needy and she’s not wrong), I jump up and cater to their every whim, promising myself I’ll work when I get back. But then there’s laundry to sort, the dishwasher to load and reload, kitchen surfaces, floor (and sometimes walls) to clean where the teen at home has decided to bake brownies, and a meal to cook that my children are prepared to eat but that won’t result in them contracting scurvy. By the time all the jobs are done, my creative juices don’t have any energy left to put in an appearance, let alone flow.
Mental block
Yesterday I blocked out the afternoon to get it written. At the exact moment my fingertips touched my keyboard, the microwave stopped working mid-wave, blowing a fuse. Cue an hour on a WhatsApp exchange with the customer services department as it was within warranty, followed by a 20-minute drive to their nearest store to exchange it for a replacement. Okay, this was a one-off (hopefully), but there are always one-offs, be they medical/dental appointments, dance displays, sports days or someone’s special birthday and I’m somehow responsible for the collection, present buying and organising a brass band. And that’s on top of all the things I have to do every day just to keep life ticking over!
It’s this exact situation that inspires my books. I know I’m not alone here, so I write stories that women can relate to, characters they can empathise with and, hopefully, situations they can laugh at (albeit through gritted teeth).
Deadly deadlines
So how do I fit writing in with everything that’s going on in my life? Well, as the length of time it’s taken to write this article proves, it’s hard. School holidays aside, I have to make the time. I have deadlines to meet and my publisher, although very lovely, won’t think highly of me if the proof reader she’s appointed doesn’t have my final chapter to proof read because I spent the day queuing for Harry Styles tickets for my daughter’s birthday instead of working.
So, to maintain the façade that I’m professional and reliable, it’s imperative I meet my deadlines. One of the biggest challenges I face in achieving this, is getting people to acknowledge that my writing is an actual job. Just because I’m not going into an office doesn’t mean I’m free to take my mum to the garden centre, my husband’s parcels to the post office or my friend’s cat to the vet. I ringfence my working day, turn my WhatsApp off (I daren’t turn the phone off in case the school rings with an emergency) and ban myself from going on social media. This is easier said than done. I often have to promote, comment on or share posts about my books. Before I know it, three hours have passed and while knowing how to contour, how to avoid VPL, and all the steps to Charlie D’Amelio’s latest dance might help my interaction with my daughters, it won’t help my deadlines.
I used to view writing as my reward when I’ve done everything else that needs doing. But as all working women know, the list of things that need doing never ends! When I’m given a publishing deadline, I have to prioritise my writing. I force myself to ignore non-essential jobs (we don’t eat off the floor, so cleaning it quickly falls under the non-essential category) and write during every available moment. And unavailable ones. A full night’s sleep is deemed non-essential at times. I wrote til 4.10am the day my second book was due in. I wouldn’t recommend this as a sensible way to work. I felt and looked terrible for days afterwards!
Write here, write now
Something that doesn’t work for me is only writing when inspiration strikes. If I waited for the literary Gods to smile down on me, I’d never get past the first chapter. Writing books is my job, which means gluing my arse to the chair and getting on with it. What comes out might be drivel, but I can sort that out later.
I’ve also learned to seize every writing opportunity I get. I’m as likely to be gifted a chore and responsibility-free day as I am the ability to turn base metals into gold, so I work wherever and whenever I can. I’m currently writing this while ‘watching’ Spiderman with my niece and nephew. (We went swimming earlier, so I’m not being a completely crap aunt. Just a bit of one!) I always have a notebook with me, but am also in the habit of grabbing my laptop along with water bottles, breadsticks and antiseptic wipes, so I can write in the car while my children do their various clubs. I get up an hour early and write while everyone else is sleeping. On holiday, during downtime by the pool, I wrote while the others read their books. It wasn’t exactly a hardship, especially not with an Aperol Spritz in my hand!
Mind over matter
I think about my plot, my characters and their dialogue while exercising and doing boring, never-ending chores. The one good thing about wheezing around a park or refilling soap dispensers and emptying bins is that they don’t require much brain power. So, my mind is free to ponder how to get my protagonist from A to B in a compelling yet believable way, or how she can impart some essential details in a more interesting format than an information dump. I have to jot down whatever gems I think up straight away otherwise, they get forgotten in a blur of confirming an orthodontist appointment, sourcing a cool Christmas jumper or untangling a bobble from a matted ponytail. Voice notes are great for these if I’m out and about. At home, I scribble on whatever’s to hand and hope it’s not a child’s homework project.
Hot desking
A couple of times a month I treat myself to renting a desk in a shared space in my local town. I even dress as though I’m going to an official place of work as it gets me in the right mindset. I make an extra packed lunch for myself and once the children have left for school, I head off too. (Obviously I have to leave a five-minute gap to ensure I don’t catch them up as that would be so mortifying for them it’d be tantamount to abuse.) At my desk in town, there are no dishwashers to unload or piles of washing to hang up or doorbells to answer. It’s bliss. Also, because I’m paying for this treasured space, there’s no way I’m going to waste a moment of the time I have there. PTA questionnaires, supermarket shopping and ASOS 20% discount offers are not entertained. I’m there to write, and write I do. I achieve more in those five hours than I do in an entire week at home. Prices range between £15 and £20 a day (where I live) and it’s worth every penny.
I also write at my local library. In theory I could work there all day, but I get too distracted by all the lovely books around, so a couple of hours is about right for me. Cafés are another good place to work. I meet up with a few fellow authors once a month and we write together and feed off each other with ideas and concepts. We also feed up on the cakes the café sells, which is why we only do this once a month!
Writing tips
If you’re keen to write yourself, but don’t know where to start, my advice is not to overthink it. It doesn’t matter what you write, as long as you’re writing. You can edit a page of words, but you can’t edit a blank screen. Some people are plotters and like to plan out what they’re going to write. Others are pantsers, which means they write spontaneously, by the seat of their pants. There’s no wrong or right way to do it. Everyone’s different, so do what works for you.
Don’t worry about refining your work as you go along. Your first draft – be that a short story, novel, memoir or poem – is for your eyes only. Once you’ve got the text down, you can go back and change it. My first novel took me seven years to write. Admittedly this is mainly because my children were a lot younger and I was trying to do a full-time job in three days a week. (You know the post-maternity leave deal – you go back part-time for part-time pay, but still have to get the same amount of work!) However, another reason is that I kept tweaking and perfecting each chapter before moving onto the next one. Many of these chapters ended up being rewritten or cut, so I wasted a lot of time when I could have been doing much more important things, such as writing the next book or rewatching the buttocks scenes in Bridgerton.
As a busy working mum, you more than deserve some time for yourself, so don’t ever feel guilty about taking some. We all know the metaphor of putting on our own oxygen mask first, but few working mums actually do it. Writing is a cathartic escape and a kind of mindfulness. It shouldn’t be viewed as a frivolous waste of time if it’s making you feel good about yourself. Arrange for someone else to have the children (you’ll be asked to return the favour quickly enough, so don’t feel as though you’re taking advantage), open a notebook or your laptop, and don’t let yourself do anything for anyone else – that includes scouring swimming class times or the latest eczema-friendly shower gel. Instead, start writing and have fun!
Free first chapter
My latest novel, Would You Ask My Husband That? is ‘a hilarious and honest look at juggling family, marriage and careers’. (My publisher’s words in case you think I’m being vain!) The book’s about a married couple, Sarah and Will, who work for the same company. Will’s the higher earner so even though Sarah works full time too, she deals with the children, the house, life admin, never-ending laundry… hands up if that sounds familiar! Will makes a mistake at work and gets sacked and Sarah’s offered his job. Overnight, Will’s the one at home looking after the kids while Sarah’s the high-flying breadwinner. The role-reversal creates guilt, tension, resentment, soul-searching, double standards and, just for the fun of it, a bit more guilt. They’re both driven to wondering what’s worth more – the marriage or the job?
It’s available in paperback, eBook and audiobook from Amazon (https://amzn.to/3syz15E). If you want to try before you buy, you can get the first chapter for free by signing up to my newsletter at www.kathleenwhyman.com.
My debut novel, Wife Support System, is about three mums who are frustrated by the lack of support they get in their family homes. They move in together to help each other as they juggle careers, childcare and housework. Will their marriages and friendships survive, as one woman has her head turned by a handsome colleague, one fights to keep a dark secret and another tires of being responsible for toilet rolls? Available in all formats from https://amzn.to/47Um8TD or you can order from your local bookshop.
About Kathleen Whyman
Kathleen Whyman is a humorous women’s fiction author, whose work has been shortlisted for the Comedy Women in Print Prize. She’s also a freelance journalist and contributes to Writers’ Forum and Romance Matters. She wrote short stories for Jackie magazine in her teens. Thankfully these were never printed.
She lives in Hertfordshire with her husband and two teenage daughters. There’s a lot of door slamming. (Any tips on how to cope would be much appreciated.)
Sign up to Kathleen’s newsletter at www.kathleenwhyman.com for irregular updates on her writing life and book news and follow her on social media at: –
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Would You Ask My Husband That? and Wife Support System are available in paperback, eBook and audiobook from all good bookshops and from Amazon https://www.kathleenwhyman.com/books
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